Very empty

I made the mistake of removing all the stuff from the top of our cabinets yesterday afternoon. I thought, "well it had to be done sooner or later." I should have done it later. The vast emptiness depresses me. We removed all the photos from the stairs last week, and that was kind of a bummer, but the top of the kitchen cabinets really looks blank. And dusty. Wow, was that area dusty. And not just dusty, but dust glued on with kitchen grease. Yuck. In the new house I pledge to dust the tops of the cabinets at least once a year. I think last time I did it was over 5 years ago when I was unemployed and I cleaned a LOT of stuff I haven't cleaned since. I think I will be spending the rest of the week cleaning off the top of the cabinets. And trying to find new stuff to put up there that is more to a buyer's liking. Hell, I have no clue what a buyer will like. What if someone exactly like Tim and I comes in and would have loved the old way everything looked and is turned off by how boring it is now? Then won't we feel stupid.

So it's not odd that I'm depressed by the cabinets, I'm kind of feeling down about everything these days. I think it's related to weaning and all my hormones going haywire from that, as well as PMSing (sorry about the TMI). We cut out all the day feedings a few weeks ago, but I'd waited to tackle anything at night until after my show closed. We were going to cut the feeding out before we go to bed, but we forgot to double diaper her Monday night before she went to bed, so we had to wake her up to do that. Then she slept until 7:30am! So we decided to just cut out the early morning feeding instead, since I hated that one anyway. Tuesday night she woke up at 5:30 and I went in and tried to get her back to sleep, which didn't work, so I changed her and held her and rocked. She kept trying to cuddle into my chest. So I put her in her crib where she cried and went to fill up two sippys, one with water and one with milk. By the time I came back upstairs, Tim had waved his magic wand and she was back asleep. And stayed that way. Then she slept until 7:25 this morning. Yay! So next week it's that last feeding, the one at about 11pm, which both Tim and I love. Tim changes her and cuddles with her while I get ready for bed. Then I walk into her room and Stella and her Daddy are lying on a pillow in the floor, cuddling and sleeping. It's so adorable, I must get a picture before we stop doing it! Although my hormones are messed up, I'm actually fine with the weaning thing, I think I'm ready. I mean, she's so obviously a toddler, and I can separate breastfeeding as something we did when she was a baby. So I think I'll be okay. Although I saw a 10.5 week old last night and he was ADORABLE! I think I scared Tim when I came home raving about how cute he was. But don't worry, there's a few years before another little monkey is on the horizon.

Oh, and on the magazine meme, I forgot my subscription to Gourmet because Tim uses it, and Tim's to Smithsonian, both from Tim's grandmother, because no one reads it, except very occassionally when there is an interesting article. This morning Stella was enjoying ripping it apart, so at least someone gets some use out of it!