The Funk

I'm just going to bellyache here, so you may want to skip this post and come back tomorrow or next week or something.

No one is coming to see the Automat. And I mean No One. Audiences have been so small that audience members have been asking me what's wrong. Like Thursday night one of our five audience members said, "it's time to start? But there isn't anyone here." And I cheerfully said, "well the weather's cold and rainy I'm sure no one wants to come out." Last night one of the 7 audience members said, "Did you guys advertise in the Statesman?" And I said yes, (although I'm not sure we did), we don't know why no one is coming. Here are some postcards, please spread the word! Everyone likes the show, I just don't get it. I know the fact that postcards and posters weren't done until Wednesday didn't help, but that can't be all it is. I know the cast is small (4), but come on! I seriously was embarassed when I saw my friends last night after the show. I felt like crying when I got there and saw that there were only 3 cars in the parking lot other than cast and crew members. Tonight, for a Saturday night, we have 7 reservations and 3 of those are comps! It just makes me sick and I really want to crawl into a hole and not come out until Spring. Or something like that. Although part of me is sickly fascinated to see how much we can lose on one show. Can the Automat be the show that takes Loaded Gun Theory out? I guess that would be pretty impressive for one show.

Then today I took my little IKEA picture ledge to Home Depot to get screws. Last time I went I was so overwhelemed with the options I just left. This time I was determined to be successful. I want pictures on the wall, dammit, and I want them before Stella's birthday party in two weeks or Tara's shower in 3! So Tim told me to just go to the hardware store with the shelf and ask for help. Boy, did I get help. The guy was like, "You need to counter-sink the screws and then sand it and cover it with wood putty so the screws won't show." I told him that I was going to cover it with picture frames so I didn't care that the screws would show. And he was like, "you're going to cover all the holes?" And suddenly I wasn't sure anymore. All confidence in what I had set out to do was sucked out of me. Then he was like, "you're going to have to drill more holes in here, that's not enough support. You'd be better off getting L-brackets and attaching them to the bottom." And I was like, "I don't want L-brackets, they would show and that is the whole point of a picture ledge that they don't have ugly supports!" So then he says, "let me show you what you really should do." and drags me over to these drywall anchors and starts explaining how they work and he says, "are you planning to put more than 30 pounds on it?" and I was like, "I don't think so." because of course at this point my head is spinning so fast I don't know what my name is. And he was talking about how I could put these little screws all along the shelf and blah blah and finally I just said, "I'll come back with my husband, I have no idea what to get. Thank you for your help." And we parted ways. I decided to call Tim because let me tell you, I REALLY wanted to get this done today. But he was no help and said, "sure you could get the drywall anchors." And I told him how the guy had said that I needed to put more screw holes in it and could i just use the screw holes already in the shelf and Tim was like, "yeah you could but it might fall off the wall." He's so helpful sometimes. So I just said forget it, I'll come back when you can come with me and hung up and headed home. What a waste.

Now we're supposed to go to dinner with a bunch of the families from Stella's playgroup, but I didn't RSVP until last night because I thought we couldn't go and now we're not on the reservation list, so I don't know if we should go or not. And I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror and I am having an Ugly Day. I think I'm just going to crawl back into bed and stay there.