Weaning, Week 4

So I really am kind of cheating by writing this post because I'm cutting out Stella's dinner feeding this week, but obviously that's not to happen for like 9 more hours. But I'm hoping by putting it in my blog, it will help my resolve to actually drop the feeding. See, I'm wavering. My hormones are going wacky as my milk supply drops, plus I've got that monthly "woman trouble thing" that makes my hormones go even more wacky. Like, last night on the way home from rehearsal, I started crying thinking about weaning Stella. See, it's not Stella that's emotionally attached to nursing (other than that 11pm feeding), but me. I think Stella could care less, but since it's there, she partakes. If I followed "self-directed" weaning with her in the lead, we'd be done. If it was mom-directed weaning, I'd probably be bitterly nursing her until she graduates college. I know many of you are saying, "well, then, why wean her now?" Because I want to be able to spend a night away from my child, alone with my husband. I want to travel again or just let Stella stay at Meme and Pappy's or Baba and Grandaddy's or her one of Aunt and Uncle's houses just because it will be fun for her and fun and healthy for us. I love my child, but I always want her to be fitting into my life, not me fitting into hers. I'm already acting again, which is fantastic for me, and I've been seeing theatre since she was a month old. I'm always a Mom first, but it's nice not to feel like a mom 24/7. The doc today said that those night feedings would be the hardest (duh!), so I might get rid of the day feedings and keep the night feedings going for a while. My grand goal is to have her weaned off the night feedings by June 2nd, my 30th birthday. I'd like to knock back a few drinks without watching the clock and, who knows, maybe even have someone else take care of her for the night. We'll just have to see. If you had told me a year ago I'd have trouble weaning Stella, I'd have thought you were out of your mind. Her first birthday couldn't get here fast enough as far as breastfeeding was concerned. But when you realize, as I did last night, that I've been connected physically and my body has been giving nutrients to this girl since July 2005 and breastfeeding is our last physical connection, you can understand why it would be hard to give up.